I know that this doesn't fit this group and probably doesn't belong here but I have a quick lesbian question and this is the only group on this site that might have a couple. In order to strengthen the Lesbian/Straight Guy Grand Coalition or LSGGC. Never heard of it? That's because it only exists in my head.
Anyways, Lesbian courtship. I assume it's the generally the same a hetero courtship but there has to be some quirks that women have when they date other women. As a straight man there's things that I have to be mindful of when trying to approach a women that another women wouldn't think to consider. Like making myself non threatening. Essentially I'm bigger and stronger approaching someone in a dark room. I could throw her in a windowless van and turn her skin into a duvet if I wanted to. Not that I would. I'm a virgin. I usual just get rejected, go on a shame spiral, then push all the feelings of inadequacy and rejection to the back of my mind where they'll manifests as a health problem later. Like a man.
So, Long story short. Are there nuances in lesbian courtship that are different from heterosexual dating?
Bi girl, not lesbian, but there are major differences in making a move on a woman vs on a man. MUCH easier for me personally to make the first move on a man than on a woman because they’re just far less intimidating to me I suppose. I notice myself kind of dumbing myself down and making myself smaller in ways if I’m flirting with a guy whereas I do the opposite if I’m flirting with a woman (stand up straight af, try my best to speak as eloquently and thoughtfully as possible, etc.) and essentially put my best self forward. Like I’ll spit GAME at a girl but to a guy I just don’t really have to try that hard at all. Dynamic is just extremely different but also I’m a bottom in my straight life and switch in my gay life lmao that’s just my experience tho.
I can't speak for other lezzers but this has been my experience:
Most of my experience comes from hanging out at a gay bar that runs a monthly event for lesbians + bisexual girls only. Whenever I'd go there, there's very little need to make yourself non threatening. It's actually the opposite... A lot of women who go there are looking to get laid, so you're sure to get lucky if you're really forceful and assertive. Without crossing boundaries, of course. But if she's into it, you can pick up a girl by being very handsy and aggressive. But it depends on the person... Some girls don't like that aggression, of course. But that spot's really good for hook ups.
This might just be the rules of that bar. But I think there's less of a need for most lesbians to appear non threatening. Unless you're a real stud or a serious AG who's really about the lifestyle... odds are, you're probably not massively stronger than the girl you're trying to pick up. So she doesn't have to worry about being over-powered by you.
Also: it matters if you're a masc, a fem, or neither. Mascs trying to pick up fems isn't much different from men trying to pick up women. Fems trying to get mascs, uh, I assume isn't too different from women trying to pick up men. But a lot of fems are into other fems, and that's a scene I know nothing about. I assume it's more egalitarian. Some mascs are into other mascs, but it's rare... Kind of like gay men dating. And then there are lesbians who aren't masc or fem and I don't know much about that... I think that scene is more egalitarian, split the bill and such...
Either way, you gotta be good in bed. You gotta have good hands, a good tongue, a good strap, and good stamina. Can't think of much else nuance...
" I could throw her in a windowless van and turn her skin into a duvet if I wanted to. Not that I would. I'm a virgin. " This cracked me the F up!!
Ah, yes... all those sexually active straight men and their windowless vans. hehehe
I love the sound of your coalition btw. As for nuances... there's a lot of comparing going on in the heads of two women who are dating. A lot of women I've dated seemed to compare themselves to me instead of just... being themselves.
I find women are harder on other women, unless they are both lesbian. Then it becomes a "Should I be doing that, too?" type of thing.
Ex. Shaving... pits, pubes whatever. I don't mind whatever unless it gets unruly and I'm worried of getting lost. But, I prefer shaving. The women I've dated, all but one out of three or four, have changed how they maintained they're pubes to match me. If I brought it up and said I don't mind at all, they'd get embarrassed.
By the way, the fact you seem so self-aware of your stature and how imposing you might come across - might be making you act like a creep, of sorts. So self-conscious you come off evasive or like a wet noodle.
If you're tall and built, that's a plus - use it, don't abuse it is all. Eye contact is key to put someone, anyone, at ease unless you have something creepy in mind. That's easy to spot after being fooled a couple times
Anyway, I'm not expert...
I've been bisexual since I realized I liked girls as much as I liked boys in the third grade. I got married at 20 to a man, so my experience with women is really only with having dated girls in high school. In my experience, the courtship is different in that they did want me to make the first move. They didn't seem to be as aggressive or as forthcoming about pursuing relationships. There's also a level of mystic that comes with dating women - they're analyzing behavior more than men most of the time. At least, in my limited experience, anyway.
I think the general problem in relationships - hetero and homosexual is that we're encouraged to hide who we are and be very cautious. I haven't had an easy life, so I threw caution to the wind and was always up front with people from the get go. I didn't stay in relationships with people that didn't have the same goals in mind or just wanted to date for fun. I think it's important to be honest with yourself and others right away in relationships of any kind.
Haha I’m 35 and dated men most of my life. When I finally came out I learned a lot. I feel dating men is much easier. In my personal experience...women are more promiscuous and have always put more pressure on me to be physical sooner because they have received me Wanting to take it slow as not being into them. I have experienced a lot of mental abuse from women that I didn’t not experience from men. Why? Is it because they don’t feel they Have to be cautious since we are both women? I don’t know. I’m not saying this happens across the board but it might explain why same marriages with women have a higher divorce rate than men. I don’t know.