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I know that this doesn't fit this group and probably doesn't belong here but I have a quick lesbian question and this is the only group on this site that might have a couple. In order to strengthen the Lesbian/Straight Guy Grand Coalition or LSGGC. Never heard of it? That's because it only exists in my head.

Anyways, Lesbian courtship. I assume it's the generally the same a hetero courtship but there has to be some quirks that women have when they date other women. As a straight man there's things that I have to be mindful of when trying to approach a women that another women wouldn't think to consider. Like making myself non threatening. Essentially I'm bigger and stronger approaching someone in a dark room. I could throw her in a windowless van and turn her skin into a duvet if I wanted to. Not that I would. I'm a virgin. I usual just get rejected, go on a shame spiral, then push all the feelings of inadequacy and rejection to the back of my mind where they'll manifests as a health problem later. Like a man.

So, Long story short. Are there nuances in lesbian courtship that are different from heterosexual dating?

Shiosakai 6 July 7
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Bi girl, not lesbian, but there are major differences in making a move on a woman vs on a man. MUCH easier for me personally to make the first move on a man than on a woman because they’re just far less intimidating to me I suppose. I notice myself kind of dumbing myself down and making myself smaller in ways if I’m flirting with a guy whereas I do the opposite if I’m flirting with a woman (stand up straight af, try my best to speak as eloquently and thoughtfully as possible, etc.) and essentially put my best self forward. Like I’ll spit GAME at a girl but to a guy I just don’t really have to try that hard at all. Dynamic is just extremely different but also I’m a bottom in my straight life and switch in my gay life lmao that’s just my experience tho.

So you turn yourself into prey with guys and become a huntress with girls.... That's interesting. It makes sense that you would need different strategies for men and women. Thanks for sharing your experience.


depends on the people. some lesbians are slutty and don't want to be courted haha and some do.

I'm starting to get the picture and man you lesbians are lucky. Normally In order to see a straight women's slutty side you gotta jump threw some hoops. For guys a vulva is like Thor's hammer. You got to prove you're worthy in order to use it. Unless you're hot then you get it without trying. Hot guys are like old people with technology. They have no idea how this is supposed to work. They just push buttons and shit just happens. Thanks for sharing your experience.


I can't speak for other lezzers but this has been my experience:

Most of my experience comes from hanging out at a gay bar that runs a monthly event for lesbians + bisexual girls only. Whenever I'd go there, there's very little need to make yourself non threatening. It's actually the opposite... A lot of women who go there are looking to get laid, so you're sure to get lucky if you're really forceful and assertive. Without crossing boundaries, of course. But if she's into it, you can pick up a girl by being very handsy and aggressive. But it depends on the person... Some girls don't like that aggression, of course. But that spot's really good for hook ups.

This might just be the rules of that bar. But I think there's less of a need for most lesbians to appear non threatening. Unless you're a real stud or a serious AG who's really about the lifestyle... odds are, you're probably not massively stronger than the girl you're trying to pick up. So she doesn't have to worry about being over-powered by you.

Also: it matters if you're a masc, a fem, or neither. Mascs trying to pick up fems isn't much different from men trying to pick up women. Fems trying to get mascs, uh, I assume isn't too different from women trying to pick up men. But a lot of fems are into other fems, and that's a scene I know nothing about. I assume it's more egalitarian. Some mascs are into other mascs, but it's rare... Kind of like gay men dating. And then there are lesbians who aren't masc or fem and I don't know much about that... I think that scene is more egalitarian, split the bill and such...

Either way, you gotta be good in bed. You gotta have good hands, a good tongue, a good strap, and good stamina. Can't think of much else nuance...

Interesting. So a lesbian bar is basically a #METOO nightmare. I would have guessed a lesbian bar would be a lot tamer but you guys are in their squeezing lady bits more than a bottle of ranch dressing at a redneck picnic. It really gets you thinking. Is a lesbian bar what female sexuality looks like free of physical intimidation that men bring or are women more aggressive due to a underlined understanding that your pretty much on the same level and someone has to make the first move and also you can stop it at anytime without being overwhelmed. This is going to cook my noddle thinking about it. Thanks for sharing your experience.


@Shiosakai No problem!


" I could throw her in a windowless van and turn her skin into a duvet if I wanted to. Not that I would. I'm a virgin. " This cracked me the F up!!

Ah, yes... all those sexually active straight men and their windowless vans. hehehe

I love the sound of your coalition btw. As for nuances... there's a lot of comparing going on in the heads of two women who are dating. A lot of women I've dated seemed to compare themselves to me instead of just... being themselves.

I find women are harder on other women, unless they are both lesbian. Then it becomes a "Should I be doing that, too?" type of thing.

Ex. Shaving... pits, pubes whatever. I don't mind whatever unless it gets unruly and I'm worried of getting lost. But, I prefer shaving. The women I've dated, all but one out of three or four, have changed how they maintained they're pubes to match me. If I brought it up and said I don't mind at all, they'd get embarrassed.

By the way, the fact you seem so self-aware of your stature and how imposing you might come across - might be making you act like a creep, of sorts. So self-conscious you come off evasive or like a wet noodle.

If you're tall and built, that's a plus - use it, don't abuse it is all. Eye contact is key to put someone, anyone, at ease unless you have something creepy in mind. That's easy to spot after being fooled a couple times 😉

Anyway, I'm not expert...

wribit Level 3 July 8, 2020

Oh, you haven't heard about 75% discount for windowless vans if your a straight guy? 95% if you have a moustache and trench coat. They're practically giving them away.

Also I have a theory that women are harder on other women because of female competition. Women don't compete like men so there's a belief that it doesn't exist but it's obvious that women compete for status and if status is prize there's no recourse in dealing with someone with perceived higher status other than tearing them down. Although it seems in a romantic relationship women to mimic their partners in order raise themselves up to their partners level if they perceive them to be of a higher status. Thanks for sharing your experience.

P.s. I think every guy is mindful of how he comes across to women if he has any brain cells. Especially when your not attractive. A women being attracted to you is the difference between getting a date and feeling the wintery freshness of mace. Because let's face if going out to get laid is borderline predatory behavior. And the entire human race depends on it.


I've been bisexual since I realized I liked girls as much as I liked boys in the third grade. I got married at 20 to a man, so my experience with women is really only with having dated girls in high school. In my experience, the courtship is different in that they did want me to make the first move. They didn't seem to be as aggressive or as forthcoming about pursuing relationships. There's also a level of mystic that comes with dating women - they're analyzing behavior more than men most of the time. At least, in my limited experience, anyway.

I think the general problem in relationships - hetero and homosexual is that we're encouraged to hide who we are and be very cautious. I haven't had an easy life, so I threw caution to the wind and was always up front with people from the get go. I didn't stay in relationships with people that didn't have the same goals in mind or just wanted to date for fun. I think it's important to be honest with yourself and others right away in relationships of any kind.

You're braver than most. Thanks for sharing your experience.

@Shiosakai Thanks! Any time!


Haha I’m 35 and dated men most of my life. When I finally came out I learned a lot. I feel dating men is much easier. In my personal experience...women are more promiscuous and have always put more pressure on me to be physical sooner because they have received me Wanting to take it slow as not being into them. I have experienced a lot of mental abuse from women that I didn’t not experience from men. Why? Is it because they don’t feel they Have to be cautious since we are both women? I don’t know. I’m not saying this happens across the board but it might explain why same marriages with women have a higher divorce rate than men. I don’t know.

That's interesting. Being promiscuous and jumping into sexual situations has always been the stereotype of gay men but it seems to be the same for lesbians also. I wonder if there's some link between same sex attraction and sexual openness. Maybe it's like you said, They don't have to be cautious because they're of the same sex so there's less misunderstandings. Real or perceived. So it's full steam ahead. Or in the case of lesbians full fingers and tongues ahead, UP TOP!....No?...Nothing...I understand. Thanks for sharing your experience.

oh snap. interesting take on this.


Can't tell you... Hetero, not a Lesbian... except perhaps in that we both love women.
I think though that women who react to same sex approaches perhaps aren't looking for a man and so asking a Lesbian may in fact be a flawed plan.

I am sorry, I wasn't clear. I'm not looking for tips to improve my game. I'm just curious about the process of lesbian courtship.

@Shiosakai improve your game by being yourself and not giving up your freedom for someone who doesnt fully respect you. ask her questions. get to KNOW her, and make sure she is doing the same.

@ariellescarcella This is such a girl response. No disrespect. But I've been following this advice for very long time. Turns out I'm a weirdo. And women try to keep weird things away from their vaginas at all cost. Imma talking UTI. Also I've noticed that there's a disconnect between what women say they want and what they actually end up going for in a partner. Let's do a little experiment. How many of your exes did the things you prescribed me to do to get you. I'm going to go out on a limb and say zero. Because there's a disconnect of what the brain wants and what the Yoni wants. In a conflict, Yoni wins. It's undefeated. Only way I'm improving my game is winning the lottery. Cash is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

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