@Fayerweather First of all, I'd like to express my sympathy for the situation you find yourself in, nobody should ever be made to suffer for having tried to be a friend.

I'll try to keep this short, it's not my favourite topic. I was a drunk once, I was a drunk for a long time. And during that time, I managed to 'have it all'. I drank almost every day, but I also had a job, a nice wife, a home with a manageable mortgage and, eventually, two beautiful kids. But, as time went by and without my really noticing it, the drinking began to chip away at my life. I was on a couple of bottles of brandy a day by the end. Yes, that much. And when the end came (commonly known as hitting rock bottom), it came very suddenly. Within the space of about a month, I lost my wife and kids, my job, my home, my friends, and the sympathy of my birth-family. The lot.

And then came the 'black plastic bag moment'. I woke up one morning not knowing where I was or how I had got there. It was a hostel for homeless alcoholics and I had been dumped there by the Police, who were getting pretty tired of picking me up out of the gutter, and had decided that I was now a 'charity case'. I will always be grateful for the charity I received there, and it undoubtedly made a great contribution to my eventual recovery ... but the really important thing, probably the most important thing that's ever happened in my life, was this: As I sat there, horribly hungover, in my dirty,stinking clothes, not a friend in the world and everything I owned stuffed into a black plastic bag at my feet, I realized the truth of myself. Almost everyone I knew, especially those closest to me, had been telling me for years that I was heading for disaster. My wife had told me a hundred times that I was losing her. And I had ignored, or laughed off, every warning. Suddenly, like I had just invented the very notion of 'personal responsibility', I realized that they couldn't ALL be wrong. If everybody in my world had abandoned me, it must mean that I had got it wrong. That I had created the hell in which I now existed, and that I was the only one who could get myself out of there. I summed it up later like this. It was my hand which lifted the glass to my lips, so it must be my decision to stop, or I'm doomed.

It took a long time. The above all happened in 1987, and I didn't sober up fully till 1996. It was a long, hard, and painful struggle, but I made it. I haven't regained the relationships I lost, I haven't seen MrsX or the kids for 30 years. But I do love, and am loved now. And if I did ever meet MrsX again, I would thank her, sincerely, for what she did, for kicking me out of her life, and for ensuring that my children didn't grow up with a drunken father. It's a hard thing to think, that my kids were better of without me all along, but I believe they were. And I am thankful for it.

Stay strong @Fayerweather , you have my very best wishes.

It is essential that you set clear and consistent boundaries in the same way that you would in the raising of a child. It is also essential for him to learn that actions have consequences.

Rather than imposing a permanent ban, it may help him more if you impose a time-limited ban based upon him moderating his behaviour and seeking help such as with NA. A written report of his experience of such help - for discussion in the group - could then be made a condition of his re-admittance.

Of most concern, however, is the news that he drives an Uber while having a drug and alcohol problem! To what kind of risk are his passengers being exposed? At what risk is he of being caught and charged for DUI? He needs to seek help not only for his own good, but for all those with whom he comes into contact.

Utlitmately, he has not and is probably terrified of facing the things in his life that are destroying it. His own guilt from the predicament his has placed his life in, has reached a threshold. It is often the case that such a threshold would hold awakening ...for some. But his denial of his own culpability in his "getting the boot", is a sure sign that he is not ready to return. He will slip even further the next time.

Let me ask a question in return: Whatever he did, whatever he said, was it worth a "lifetime ban"? In other words, the FB death penalty?

Maybe you can get together with the admins of the group and set up some kind of criteria for behaviors or statements that would merit that kind of treatment, and then stick to those rules, perhaps reviewing them from time to time ... and maybe even offering invitations to those who had been earlier removed for offenses that are not now considered so severe. (But watch out for that, too. If you decide that a certain class of statement should earn the lifetime ban, then why would that change much, either?)

I will be answering as a bleeding heart who has had many people in my life go through drug/alcohol addition:

You absolutely were not too harsh to kick him out. It needed to happen. On the other hand, if the group really is something that he needs, then you can let him back in and see if he can play by the rules. It will be obvious rather quickly, if the experience has allowed him to get ahold of his emotions.

Where is he in his recovery? If he is actively working it, people have to allow him a chance to re-enter his own life or he will become even more desperate.

You must be firm with addicts. Set boundaries and follow up with your own rules. You also must allow them to recover.

BTW, "White Girls" is not racist. It is another term for "Mean Girls". They can be of any race or color. It is the attitude that they hold and it is abhorrent. My girls used that term a lot when they were in High School. Not saying it is a good thing, but it may be a different thing than you understand if you do not have kids in middle and high school.

You know him, I do not. But, I would like to see some way where he can repent (again). Maybe a written apology to the group. Then, for each meeting, have him write something positive about the group or someone in it.

I am not a therapist so what I may say is of limited use. On the other hand, I have had to deal with individuals with both moderate mental health problem (ex-wife had a nasty case of borderline personality disorder, but we won't go there) along with drinkers and drug users. You and the other members of the group gave the man a crutch by demonstrating more tolerance for his behavior than you would a total stranger. Then you took that crutch away and he wants it back. Now you worry if you are doing the right thing. Let me ask you a question. Do you believe that individuals should be responsible for their behavior and that behavior has consequences?

If this man has been misbehaving and now your group has rejected him and he wants back in, then he has learned nothing. Obviously this man does not want to change, why should he if he can get what he wants from you and your group. People with addiction problems have to "hit bottom" before they can make that decision in life to change their behavior. It may be a truism, but ask any recovering drug abuser or alcoholic. Do the man a favor and cut all contact. You are not responsible for his life.

Absolutely not. When you’re in active addiction manipulation is really you’re only tool.. Addiction is based in selfishness. Whatever consequences befall the addict for their behavior is of their own doing. He needs to go to a NA meeting. At least 1 a day for the first 90 days. That should be his support group not a FB page.

You're not being harsh, and he brought that on himself. He still sounds like a competent adult, and once he was warned he should have acted on it, but instead chose to keep it up until he got banned. I have no sympathy for folks like that either. Carry on, I think you're doing the right thing.