You might want to read Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning".

According to a vision I had in1981 we are here for only three reasons:

1. to learn how to love - I think I love knowledge more than people
2. to serve (help people) - God had to "explain" what the word "serve" meant because I'm so selfish it was not in my vocabulary
3. to bring the joy of little children into the world - never had any...too selfish

At this time God also showed me a vision of mass suicides in the US and told me to NEVER, EVER commit suicide. A few months after these visions I suffered my first and only anxiety attack and a month later experienced the only deeply suicidal depression of my life. His words and my love for my mother are the only things that kept me alive and fighting for about 9 months. The entire world was gray and I asked myself the same questions you're asking. Every night I prayed for God to take me in my sleep and every morning I cursed Him because He hadn't.

I became a born-again Christian when I was 30 (also His doing). I'm now 65 and safely in His care and living in His love. I have a few weird illnesses but every day (or night in many cases) is a gift and I thank Him for helping to keep me alive until now and for loving me although I have not done one single thing to deserve His love.

Reach out - He's there for you and loves you more than any words can tell.

If you truly feel this way, I am sorry for you.I have survived lung cancer, open heart surgery, and more than 25 years as a police officer, raised 5 daughters, and still have a job. I am waiting for good weather so I can ride my motorcycle. Life is Good / God is Good. The knowledge we gain living is to be passed on, so share it.

Because most people are afraid of upsetting the status quo-- perhaps they're afraid of reaching up and drawing back with even less. While the ones that do and make it understand that it's mostly a numbers game, and they probably like it on the top.

Hope this helps.

I once felt this way. Only God gave me hope. It was not easy finding him, but once I did I realized He was with me the entire time. Don't lose hope, my friend