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A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook page and it got me thinking: Wanting to change to be a better person for her is GREAT and I'm not against that in the slightest, but her expecting you to conform to her idea of who she thinks you SHOULD be is fucked up... am I wrong? It just seems so fucking selfish. What are YOUR thoughts on this one? Let's discuss.

Fraggle 7 Jan 17
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She didn't say: "Change to be a BETTER person". She said, change to keep her, to please her. To borrow a line from "Cheers": "run, run like the wind". This type will constantly change the goal posts to keep her pleased. And, she'll still be pissy about everything.
An aside, if you pick a partner with the intention that they change their ways, you picked the wrong person -- your fault.


Saw a most thought provoking video recently in which the argument was made that we have taken our consumer mentality into relationships and marriage as well. Basically the deeply selfish idea that if you don't satisfy me then I'm out (there are plenty of others...).

Rather, committed relationships are about sacrifice. Just like people sacrifice their comfort and even wellbeing for their children, this is also true in a committed relationship (marriage). So there is a sense in which the above is true - where a man would selflessly sacrifice his own comfort for the good of his beloved. However, this must be true for both partners. And it is with a much higher goal in mind than keeping the other person happy.

That's a good point about consumerism affecting how we treat relationships. I think it has made us all more selfish.



EmJay70 Level 4 Feb 14, 2021

A woman meets a man hoping he will change ... A man meets a woman and hopes that she doesn't.


If a couple are together and grow together, which means adjusting to each other for the sake of the ‘team’, then things can be long and lasting. Demanding or waiting for someone else to change to fit in with your mindset at a certain time in your life is set for failure. Compromise and respect is a two-way street.

Jedly Level 6 Jan 31, 2021

It's a balance. Example; My exbf (59) hid hundreds to thousands of dollars in laundry baskets, old shirts or jeans. Yea, he lost a lot of money that way. I once found $660 in a laundry basket and he got mad when I asked if he knew how much was in there? Irresponsible and a behavior I could not deal with long term (just one example).
Flipside; I have 3 grown gamer kids, and was one myself. If someone is a gamer when you met them, well, it's just like any other hobby. We enjoy it and play to escape just like some may dabble in mechanics on the weekend or gardening.
So, balance. Some things and some people and some habits are worth changing, situation depending, for a bigger, rewarding picture.

Couples that game together are awesome! Why was he hiding money all over the house like that? That's just irresponsible... unless... You guys live in the Ozarks? Was he secretly laundering money for the cartels?

@Fraggle Agreed! Or any shared love of an activity. Mine's camping 🙂
No clue but fairly certain his business is a bit monetarily crooked. Plus, found out he hadn't been paying his personal taxes and was huge in debt to the IRS. Funny how you can think you know someone for a bit...then, they show you who they really are. I think maybe his age and upbringing on a farm also had something to do with it; holes and mason jars lol


She gonna keep laying down ultimatums and driving men away until she finds out that the man in her head doesn't actually exist in real life. Better advice, I think, would be to find out who HE is BEFORE she makes commitments or has children with him vs. expecting him to change something about himself for her way later or she's gonna leave him. Finding out what his/her flaws are and asking yourself if you can still love that person is WAY better than demanding they change later. Just my two cents on it.

Fraggle Level 7 Jan 17, 2021

Agree but my answer was the more compact version😛

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