I hope you’re ok. You sound so hopeless. When we realize how small and powerless we are, it can lead to such feelings of hopelessness and that can lead to despair. People suffering from longterm despair can become suicidal.

If you are headed down the tunnel of despair, look to the end of the tunnel. That tunnel has a fork in it. If you take the broad easy tunnel downward you will find what you expect: a meaningless end of with return. However if you look up at that fork, you’ll see light and joy will flood your soul. Follow that light and trust in the one summoning you in that direction and you’ll find life and meaning.

You weren’t a mistake that just happened. The One who created this great, wonderful universe and placed it in the bounds of something we call “time” also placed you in that tapestry on a little rock we call “earth”. He saw your beginning and your end before He started this work of art and He had a purpose for placing you exactly where and when He placed you. His work of art isn’t stationary but has movement and freedom of choice. All those choices were foreseen by that great artist, but they aren’t always as ideal He created them to be. However, together, their contrast creates something so beautiful the human mind can’t comprehend (until He frees it from this short-term physical existence).

I have been around for a lot of decades and seen a lot of perspectives on His creation. I started life in poverty surrounded by more poverty surrounded by wealth surrounded by poverty. I moved around the world (many countries and many places in those countries) and worked dozens of different jobs and endured decades of education (both formal and informal); and something always drove me to understand one question: Why? Why me; why did my father desert us; why do we have to be so poor; why do I work so many hours and work so hard only to get more poor; why do I need to sneak into this pole barn with only 2 walls and hollow out a hole in the middle of a bunch of pieces of firewood in order to hide away from the blowing snow so I can splurge and eat two cups of soup on Christmas Day; why do I need to wake myself at least once an hour to be sure I don’t freeze to death; why do I have to get up while it’s still dark and hide my sleeping bag and stuff so nobody will know I’m trespassing; Why am I so dumb that I can’t make a good living, no matter how hard and how many hours (over 130/week) I work; the list goes on and on?

God brought me through all those hard times, but He also gave me hope. I kept asking those questions, but He kept putting answers into my head that I couldn’t ignore. I finally started looking for what He had for me in the middle of that shadowy valley of death. I decided to walk through it instead of being drug through it. I started seeking what I was supposed to learn there and celebrated each newfound answer. He began to teach me He wasn’t doing this TO me, rather He was doing it FOR me.

I worked starting at $1.00 per hour (all the way up to $1.06/hour plus my room and board as an electrician’s apprentice to make it through college and He taught me a skill I could use on odd jobs that paid up to $5/hr. My bosses loved my openness to learning and trying any new job and soon they gave me the keys to one of the little trucks and tools and handed me job tickets each day like all the journeymen electricians and had me grab an apprentice from the pool of my peers and I would work independently.

I progressed in my studies and learning new jobs and have worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time for decades until I found myself in the “middle class” of American society and realized He had blessed me and my wife with a wonderful (though not always easy) life. Now I try to teach my children and grandchildren to be happy when difficult times “afflict” them. God uses those to shape us into the beautiful works of art He meant for us to be.

May you come through this struggle, stronger and more beautiful than you can imagine. It will happen if you will look to your creator for guidance and accept His way as being far better than your way (that led you to the depths of despair). May God bless your search for Him (He’s right there with His arms wide open, inviting you to follow Him).

Okay Negative Neo…