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So I have been reading such great posts in this community and I wanted to thank many of you. I'm a trans woman freshly post op now and I wish anyone who truly needs to transition can. For the first time ever I took a picture where I actually liked how I looked. I wasn't bad looking young, but even then being trans I never felt good about how I looked. I wish more trans activists would see the harm they are doing to women and to other transwomen. I never wanted special treatment, I just want to be seen as a woman. I don't want to hurt or make any women uncomfortable, I just want to be safe and feel like I belong as best as I can.

Anyway, thanks to all of you who have had to bear the label of Terf.

KariPanda 5 July 22
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2

this makes me SO fucking happy both for you as a woman and for us as we respect you if you respect us.

2

You look good, sis!!! Thanks for the good vibes 🙂

Thank you, I am starting to feel more confident, so hard not to see the man I was when the changes seem so subtle to me. I'll never be a model or even a classic beauty, but I can be my own beauty and confidence.

2

Sorry we didn't the photo rotated properly. I do hope the trans movement can become more inclusive and less combative. Best wishes!

Admin Level 8 July 23, 2020
4

I want to be honest and not lie about how I really feel. To me transwomen fit into a special category. I have NO ISSUE with transwomen using my bathrooms, joining women's clubs, being called "she/her", etc. Where I draw the line is locker rooms, prisons, sexual trauma or domestic abuse crisis centers, and sports. There is a reason why women fought for those spaces to be sex-segregated. Everyone says that no one is raped in bathrooms. Except they have been. Women have been raped by transwomen in prison. Women have been raped or beaten by transwomen in shelters, too. Many of these so-called transwomen don't even bother to transition! Some literally change their pronouns based on how they feel that day and they receive the same legal protections and benefits as you.

I didn't come out of the box drawing these lines in the sand. I actually campaigned for trans rights in the beginning. No one should be fired or denied housing due to a transition. When I saw women's spaces, our words, our health services being colonized I had to stand up.

We fought to not have our vaginas referred to as "holes" by men and now there are HRC materials that call our vagina's front holes because it upsets transwomen to hear otherwise. I am being told that I have to identify as "cis" so people know where I stand in regards to my gender. I don't even believe in gender!

I want to be kind. I want to be kind to you. It's very difficult when I hear people say that JK Rowling should die or that Magdalen Berns deserved to die for being a TERF. I've been threatened with rape by transwomen activists--raped with a bat, btw. It's kind of difficult at that point to not put up barriers of protection when you are very real physical danger--especially in liberal areas where I'm seen as a TERF and abuse to me would be considered "unsympathetic."

Us TERFs are the new Trump voters to the left.

I here you, and those of us that fully transition worry too. It is sad that my supposed community advocates are driving out people you supported us. I have fears that this continued push will indeed end up with so many bad men using well meaning people to hurt others. Lol I feel that last statement because us transsexuals are the following Trump voters trying to defend those who are being labeled TERFS just for having concerns with the activists.

@KariPanda You went through great pain to transition. Probably years of therapy and diagnosis with dysphoria and people who are a woman one day and a guy the next receive the same benefits. Yes, it ought to piss you off, too.

Every time I see "It's "Ma'am" threatening to take the guy outside and kick his ass or the scene where Zoe gets Ben Shapiro in a neck lock I'm like "Who you fooling'?" Women are socialized to deal with problems verbally.

I am starting to understand my male Marine friends who bitch about how the female Marines have less strenuous PTs or statistics to keep up while they get the same pay. If you aren't willing to suffer along with your fellows then you aren't part of the team. These people think they are a woman if they throw on a terrible pink sweater and carry a handbag. Boy George, Elton Jon, Lee Bowry and Pete Burns begged to disagree.

Anyway I'm not trying to take it out on you or make you responsible for all transpeople. I hate it when BLM does that. What I'm trying to say is that I have an issue with transactivists not transwomen.

@ThomasinaPaine I know and some/many of us thank you for it. We understand, it just sucks because you hear enough hate and you start thinking everyone is like that. It's why I think discussion is so important.

I'm sorry you have had to deal with that hate too.

@KariPanda Growing up as a woman you honestly become desensitized to slurs. Slut, whore, bitch, cunt, dirty bitch--there's no end to the things we get called and are called. I do not care about words. I know what I will answer to and what I won't.

But violence and threats are another story. It is not violence to call me a bitch. These days i will call you the equivalent back to make my point. However what I do draw the line at is "Punch a TERF Day" and "Rape a TERF" and "All TERFS Must DIE". Fuck that shit. I'm going to defend myself and call it out whenever I see it.

Trans exclusionary feminism is a misnomer, a label used to describe a philosophy that no one who is gender critical believes. We don't believe in transition because we don't believe that anyone must "transition" to live, dress, act, and refer to themselves as they choose. Yes, we have sexes but all that means to us is that we are the reproductive class of human. It is that reproductive quality that is the basis of our oppression BUT other than the inescapable aspects of biology we are limitless.

You are limitless. You can wear and dress how you like today then shave it all off and wear jeans t-shirts and no bras tomorrow. You can like what you like, be attracted to whom you like because you are an infinite spirit.

The truth is that I cannot relate to the experience of a trans woman because I don't "feel like a woman". That is what you ought to understand about gender critical feminists. We don't feel anything any different than a man, not really. We are only reminded of our sex once a month. We are also reminded once a month that something could be wrong or we could be pregnant if we don't get that reminder. Other than that--nothing. I am no different than the guys I work with. So when trans women say they feel like women-to us and other women-- we don't understand that. We only know ourselves.

There is a vast philosophical difference between our feminism and "neoliberal feminism". Ours is that there are no boxes and barriers and theirs is more of a shove-you-in-a-box feminism. Boy George, Annie Lennox, 90s RuPaul and other genderfuck people are our heroes.

So we aren't excluding you and other transpeople. We just don't think gender exists so if you want to label us as exclusionary then we are exclusionary of everyone who believes in gender and that's not just transpeople.

@ThomasinaPaine I get that. Actually I had that conversation with my therapist. I use feel simply because it is the closest word I can think of to describe this drive to be a woman. My mom raised me to believe girls could do anything boys do. I honestly considered myself a tomboy until puberty and I was forced to acknowledge I wasn't female. So I totally understand the "I don't feel like a woman." To me I just don't know how to say it that makes enough sense. I can't say I don't feel like a woman, I am a woman.", because I was unfortunately born male and that does not connect with who I am mentally.

I just had to defend a friend of my niece who is being bullied by some trans activists because of all the shitty "Breeders should die", "Bash a Terf" shit. I do not condone that garbage at all. Also too many people call themselves Trans just because they like wearing clothes or acting in ways that are considered gender non conforming. It is a stupid and crazy time.

@KariPanda I've had this conversation before with other people but sometimes there is no compromise because two views are so diametrically opposed that there really isn't any middle that doesn't destroy them both. It doesn't mean, however, that two individuals with vastly different views can't still be friends and like each other.

I don't believe in gender at all so a transgender person is always going to have difficulty with my views. I wish we didn't have to even identify by sex but sadly we do. Women are persecuted all over the world because we are the reproductive class of human, regardless of our outward appearance so while I would enjoy even ignoring "sex" I can't.

My not believing in gender is --of course--going to be a huge point of contention in ideologies between those of us who are gender critical and people who are trans. Both of us believe, obviously, that we are right or we wouldn't believe it.

However, I am not and never will be someone who has a litmus test for friendship. For example, I believe in God. An atheist and I will always be at odds on this subject BUT that doesn't mean that I can't be friends with an atheist. The only times when this bridge is too impossible to overcome is when someone's belief system involves killing me if I don't agree. This is why I try my best to separate transactivists from transpeople.

I am friends with anyone who wants to be friends. I draw the line at "you should be raped with a bat".

@ThomasinaPaine Yes sometimes the best we can do is accept our difference of opinion and respect each other. Forcing or killing the opposition will get us no where except an endless cycle of violence.

2

You're a great example for the trans community and just people in general. I appreciate your concern and I am also grateful that you take the time to chat to me about issues that affect us both! I have to take a million pictures before I'm happy with one that I think is at least half decent, no matter how much someone tries to reassure me that its fine. So I feel your pain! 🙂

Lilu Level 5 July 23, 2020

Yes, I never understood why I hated my pics so much, but I now realize it's just one of the ways I relate as a woman (trans or otherwise).

@KariPanda Ah yes, one of the ironies of being a woman. We spend a lot of time trying to look our best because we don't want to be judged on our appearance, unless its positive then judge away. xD

3

Hey there! Congrats on your success! I'm a trans man. It's nice to see other reasonable trans people around here. I can't wait to see some of your insights on topics!

2

Thank you for being sympathetic to cis women's concerns! That means a lot to me personally. Good luck with your op recovery!!

2

Good on you. Good luck for the future .... Best wishes

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