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Regarding your video: "I Lived As A Woman For 10 Years, Then Missed Being A Man"

The part that jumped out to me in this interview was Dustin declaring that when he transitioned he destroyed all memories etc of his past self and then 10 years latter he missed his past and so detransitioned.

The Trans people that I know to be the most successful and happy have never sought to destroy their past. It becomes part of their story. For example in the 70's when I was just a kid I grew up on a farm and one of my many jobs was to raise 100 chickens each year for food. Or in the 80's when I was a skinhead causing all sorts of chaos. The stories remain, the gender changes. I don't run from my memories or seek to destroy my past. I did it as a boy and now when I talk of my past I did that as a girl with only minor changes for things that were gender specific.

Destroying your past does nothing but create a crisis of identity and the trans people I know who follow that route are typically miserable and don't do well.

Chanel 6 June 27
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A new interesting perception: because I watched one or two videos about detransitioning and transition regret, I seem to be getting more of them. (Yay for cookies. Not.) I'd be interested in seeing how Arielle views these and what she thinks of the seeming increase in such regret or the expression of it. Not really my lane.

1

Destroying your past does nothing but create a crisis of identity and the trans people I know who follow that route are typically miserable and don't do well.

I LOVE THIS. Very important. I'm going to share this with him <3

Those (regardless of orientation/identity) who try to forget the past are not going accept who they are today. The person that each of us is today and in the future is a product of the person we were and the lessons we learned (or did not). To disregard that is unwise.
Transition/de-transition is not my world - I'm just an old straight guy. For some reasons, my feed sometimes give me folks who are in process. Got a link to "Ryan Barnes" on youtube today who is coming back to female orientation. Her struggles and education might come to be of interest to you.

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That was a really interesting video! It's really important to hear from detransitioners.

I have noticed a few detransitioners I have seen on YouTube have themes of 1. trying to escape the past and/or 2. trying to become someone new. I am wondering if that's a common thread that could potentially be used in pre-transition therapy to determine who might be more at risk for detransition in the future.

Though, I also noticed Dustin was very clear about how he did not regret his transition and he felt it was the right decision for his life, even though he detransitioned 10 years later. I think that's an important thing to listen to and remember. What if he knew he would detransition 10 years later? Maybe he would have chosen to transition anyway, because it was the best decision for him at the time. Just something to think about.

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Why do you think is the motivation for trans people in these two situations? The trans people I know in my life acknowledge who they were in the past, they request kindness, and understand but not everyone will agree with them. I think most of the trans people who cause anger to conservatives are the ones who destroy their past and demand that everyone else ignores it as well. I think most conservatives like to think of themselves as kind. Is this something the trans community could help us build a bridge with?

@lewoofwoof I think you might be right. I have always been of a mindset that my gender identity is about how I see myself, not about how others see me. I had a coworker ask me what pronouns I prefer (before I was on T). I told her that I do prefer male pronouns, but that my transition is about myself, not how others see me. Her response was, "Wow... Why can't everyone be as cool as you about it?"

In my mind, it's not really that complicated and I don't see the need to try to police everyone around me. But I also know that not everyone thinks the same way I do. I can't expect other people to have an experience the same as mine. So, it's hard to say whether my way would work for everyone.

I do think that if anyone can guide the trans community to a different approach, it has to come from within the trans community itself, like you said. The trans community itself has to help build that bridge. Well, I'll try to do my part, but it's already been proven that the trans people who want to yell "transphobia" at others will sure yell it at me too.

3

I do exactly the same thing: the story remains the same, only the pronouns change. Much easier to tell a real history than to try and hide or make up something.

I noted the same thing in the video as a major red flag for transitioning. He was much more invested in being the girl than in being himself. I'm glad he found his path.

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as if a person could "destroy" their own past in the first place - NOT!
Having said that it is worth saying (surmising) that if a person can trick himself that (or the other sex as applicable) "he" is really a "she" trapped in his own male body then it goes without saying that "he" can trick himself into believing that "he" erased his own past.
That's one inescapable fact about human beings. Free will being what it is there is the reality that "saying something" doesn't necessarily "make it so".

iThink Level 8 June 27, 2020

I agree with your premise, but not necessarily the conclusion. I think we can, by force of will, be something other than what was 'destined' for us. It is by no means easy, nor is it dramatically different, and it requires such a deep commitment that many find it impossible.

Think of someone that leaves the country they grew up in and moves to an entirely different country with a radically different culture with no family or safety net. The force of will involved is staggering. Yet, many (my parents included) do it.

I have said before here, transition is about moving, lock, stock and barrel to a place that, no matter how often you might have vacationed there, is truly different.

I agree with you. For a person to take that leap into transitioning would certainly require total commitment. It certainly requires (I would think) setting a goal to live ones life as the other sex and what is a goal without commitment - wishful thinking and a perpetual existence in a veritable purgatory it would seem.

As a heterosexual man and an observer of human behavior it seems as though anything less than an "all or nothing" approach is a formula for perpetual misery with only intermittent periods of happiness with life in general.

Again as a man who (IMHO) has at least some capacity for sympathy and empathy for others that once a person has transitioned (is transitioning ever complete? serious not rhetorical question) there is no guarantee of achieving perpetual happiness or satisfaction with ones own sexual identity.
Another serious question - do the hormone injections change ones emotions - for example would injections cause a biological male to emote in ways more like a female than a male might? Would that person get more emotional (say like crying over a romantic scene in a movie) than they otherwise might?

@iThink Good questions. Note this is based on my experiences and some anecdotal stories:

  1. I think transition does end. I call it congruency. When we look at a mirror and also into ourselves and we see the person we always thought existed but no one else could 'see'. It is a perception thing and it is based on the physical manifestation of our internal self. So, it takes time - years. How long varies but I'd say something more than 5 and less than 10 of 'all in'. Think of the time it takes for a child to go from puberty to adulthood.

  2. Hormones ABSOLUTELY affect emotional state. Yes, we MtF get much more emotional and I have seen FtM get more 'stoic'. It is somewhat based on the initial emotional foundation however. I tended to be very logical prior to hormones and that did not go away, but my reactions to things did. Also, how I reacted to others changed. I very much changed 'orientation' after about 2 years on hormones. I had never had a homosexual experience prior to transition, never even considered guys as anything more than 'tribe members'. About 2 yrs in, sitting in a classroom (university) a bunch of the jocks in the class came in late and the professor made them sit in the front row - I always sat in the second so they ended up right in front of me. "Oh, man...did you think to shower before coming in here" was my first thought. Argh, I'm going to have to put up with their smelly asses for the entire 2 hrs...

And...then....about.....15 minutes or so...."ah....well....oh, DAMN...that smells good" what a guy!! I had to really deal with a strong desire to just jump the guys bones the attraction was really strong. By the end of the day I was looking at guys a whole different way. I say that I transitioned from straight to straight while on hormones. I've since realized my bi nature post transition and have been with both sexes wonderfully.

But it was definitely a change both in my emotional state and my innate physical preferences. So, structurally, physically, it changes both the outward appearance and the internal dynamics.

I've discussed this with therapists and other MtF, only one FtM, and the above is not unusual. It is also much stronger during the initial years and levels itself out over time as we learn to deal with the emotional states that in many ways were new to us.

Thanks for great questions.

@iThink I know you're talking to Tracy and I hope she'll answer too, but I wanted to answer your questions from my POV. I am a trans male (born female, transitioned to male).

  1. Is transition ever complete?
  • I would say yes. The point of completion might differ for different people. But there are really only a certain number of actions you can take to transition. Once you do them, they're done. You do need to keep taking the hormones, but that's no different than someone needing to take medicine for any other medical condition, I think.
  1. Do hormone injections change one's emotions?
  • For me, taking testosterone did cause an emotional shift. I am less emotional than before I took testosterone. My personality hasn't changed and I don't feel like a different person, but it is like someone turned the volume down on my emotions. They're still there, but they don't overwhelm me anymore.
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