That was a great interview. I think you are correct in the assumption that most gay and lesbian people do have that “it would be easier” or “just make sense” if I were male/female thought process. I know that growing up I also had thoughts and feelings that made me question for sure. Even now I see it as an it would be easier kind of thing... though I think that is because I do look like a guy and could easily pass with the right look and am judged by that. It’s hard for me to be with the kind of women I’m interested in because they see me as a butch woman with the whole complex of, “if I wanted to be with someone who looked like a guy I would just be with a man.” I semi understand this concept but my thought process isn’t on the appearance it’s the actions of said person. I wouldn’t want to date someone that was so masculine they lost the feminine qualities that attract me. Why do you think it is that most people don’t look past the exterior to see the person beneath? Isn’t the whole point of LGBTQ to be welcoming and accepting of people without discrimination? I know that I practice acceptance every day but it seems that I get more acceptance about my looks and actions from the right side of the spectrum than I do the left... I’m rambling time to quit ha, ha, ha!
Presentation is important for people focused on appearances - and lets acknowledge that is most people - rather than WHO a person is. Those of us outside 'norms' tend to spend more time thinking through the hows and whys of relationships and usually, usually, act better towards others because of it.
Individualism tends to promote acceptance of a diversity of people better than identity-tribalism. I will be the first to admit that tribalism is significant on the Right too but often less about appearances than behavior.