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Biphobia (though I have come to hate any word that ends in phobia) is totally a real thing. It is so frustrating that you have to pick sides in order to be valid in the eyes of the gay community. So far I have only ever been in straight relationships (mostly because Iā€™m a lipstick bisexual, I want my girls to look like girls šŸ’šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø) and because of that, I have never felt welcome in any LGBT spaces. To them Iā€™m not gay enough (despite bi literally being in the name).

allyb 2 Apr 19
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I am christian but feel we are alone ! So hard to build relationships!


When you're bisexual and dating someone of the opposite sex, things are easier because your partner can relate to your attraction. You and your boyfriend can check out girls together, and he might even see a threesome on the horizon. For him, your bisexuality is just opening doors to even more of the good stuff he's attracted to, i.e. females. Same goes for heterosexual females with bisexual male partners.

But when you're dating a member of your own sex as a bisexual, this value proposition just isn't there for your partner. A gay man gets zero excitement from their bisexual partner possibly wanting to introduce females into the mix. Same for lesbians with bisexual partners. With a same-sex-oriented partner, there's no way for you as a bisexual to consummate your longing for the other sex without engaging in something that your partner wants no part in. And many people believe that bisexuals need both sexes to surround them at all times (which in itself is kind of a turnoff for many, regardless of whether it's true or not).

Another thing possibly contributing to biphobia are these girls who for whatever reason pretend to be bisexuals when they're actually straight. Maybe they can't get enough attention from men on their own or maybe they do it for political reasons. Or maybe their boyfriend has ED from excessive porn use and the only thing that gets him going, aside from defecating dwarf unicorns, is the idea of two women getting it on with him. So the girl plays along, but unfortunately at some point the boyfriend will want actual proof of the bisexuality. At which point the girl starts looking for female company. It's not incredibly flattering to be approached as a potential cure for someone's boyfriend's ED.

And then there's the issue of how you communicate your bisexuality. Imagine a case where a female knows she could equally well be attracted to white guys or African American guys. Whenever she's with an African American guy, she makes it extra clear to everyone around her that she could just as well be attracted to a white guy. When she's with a white guy, she never forgets to mention that she likes African American dick too. There's also a mention in all of her social media profiles that she's into both sorts equally.

I don't think many guys would be super excited about a girlfriend like that, regardless of their ethnicity. And even though it's often true, people generally just don't like to be reminded of the fact that their partner could just as well have fallen in love with and be having sex with someone else. People want to feel like they're special, and sex is an integral part of what makes them that particular special individual.

But there's a way out of this: the female who just dates whomever she wants, doesn't even think about her orientation that much and later looks back on her life, concluding "oh, it seems I've been attracted to both types because I've ended up with both". Be that bisexual!

As for the people making you feel unwelcome in a LGBT space, a space meant for bisexuals, because you're bisexual... they're just assholes with issues. Maybe they find you hot and feel like they don't have a chance, or they think you're just there to taunt them because you'll immediately choose heterosexual Alpha Chad over them once you get the chance. What's with this particular fear by the way? You people in this person's LGBT space, if this is what you think, don't be such fucking incels! Level up, so you don't have to worry about Alpha Chad stealing your potential girlfriends anymore. So allyb, you really have every right to be in that LGBT space, unless it's full of incels, in which case you'll want to leave. What do they even know about you, and how is your orientation even their business?

Inka Level 2 Apr 24, 2020

That's sad. I'm a lesbian who lives in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. There are basically no lesbians or bi women anywhere around here. I've tried dating apps but unless I want a long distance relationship then I'm out of options. If I was bisexual however, I'd have tons of options. I get why bisexual women tend to go for men more often than women, men are generally just more available than women, especially in your case since you are only attracted to more femme women (girl I feel the struggle).


hugs I know how you feel. People don't believe when I tell them I'm gay. It is very frustrating.


Ugh I 100% agree! I have dated one woman and it was hard! My sexuality was a constant topic of argument. I am constantly asked when I'm going back to men and accused of cheating. I'm not sure why it is so hard for people to be accepting of another person's orientation.

I used to date men and they are easier to date. Women don't say what they really mean and it can be hard to know where you stand with them.


I only date girls who are way more femme as well. Nothing wrong with that at all! I'm sorry you feel ostracized.

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