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Does anyone know how to get rid of loneliness when you're 36 with no friends, no family and no social skills and very little time and disposable income? Asking for a friend...it's me, I'm the friend.

Shiosakai 6 Oct 4
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0

I feel this way too. I’m a shy lesbian in a conservative state and it feels so hard to meet girls and to find friends in general. I’m lucky in the sense I have my family

That's great. Go hug them right now because their a blessing. Also a little advice from someone who's been shy for decades. Fear goes away eventually regret never dies. Not doing something doesn't make it away. You're gonna have to go through that fire one way or another. Either you do it on your own terms or life is gonna shove your ass into the flames face first. And it's going to suck. But when life pushes you all the benefits you could have had burn with you. But you do it voluntarily you might do some things you thought were valuable but you are in a better position to protect what you love and next time.

0

i get lonely too! have you ever heard of the power of now? it's my all time favorite book and it will help you figure out this life we are living.

I don't get lonely I stay lonely. Like Bane put it. You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it. Molded by it. I'll save you the full story but I'll give some bullet points.I was a save-a-marriage baby. Didn't work out mom generally avoided me. Sister was 6 years older and a angry child of divorce and as soon as she hit puberty off doing what angry children of divorce do. Moved over 50 times and ended up going to 26 different schools. Mom never let me go anywhere because he didn't want me to get shot in a neighborhood she didn't know or end up like my sister. Mom kicked me out after the 3 days of money my dad left me ran out because I couldn't find a job during a recession and spent some time homeless. Now I'm finally at a point where I feel like I could enjoy watching the fights at a bar with friends or have my first kiss but I have no idea how this whole thing works.

1

Oh, god why can't I delete this?

1
  • Lets start with things we know for sure. You know how to write, this is self evident.
  • A lot of people are having problems making social connections now because of COVID for obvious reasons.
  • All most everything is getting disrupted because of COVID, the deck is in the process of reshuffling hence there are all kinds of undefined opportunities.

This isn't a recent phenomenon. It's literally baked into my personality. The last friend I had was a kid named James Witherspoon. In 3rd grade. I don't know how to make friends. It never bothered me before but I guess I'm getting older and feeling I'm missing out on life.

1

Hey dude. If you figure it out - let me know 😂😂
I'm 28 and I moved to another city last year inbetween the work hours and junior pay, making more than surface level colleague friendships was really tough. I had never felt such loneliness. At that point Id gone through a serious breakup so needed people around and to feel like I could forge new connections.
I'm a hobbist/pub musician so normally thats how Id meet new people, but I had no time in the week or money. On a few occassions I went to bars by myself and sat outside trying to pep talk myself into talking to total strangers. Being an introvert It was depressing. That and Brits arent that approachable, especially in london lol
Being in such a big city with so many people just made it worse. Like theres so many people here how do I feel so alone.
Made me realise how difficult making adult friends is. Ofc I still had the odd friend around if I booked them 3+ months in advance ha. I think for me I need to come home to people who will chat and have dinner etc or peopleI know rather than an empty or unsociable shared flat.

In the end COVID tanked the career job and I moved back home in with my family - my longterm friendship groups are still scattered miles away. But I don't feel lonely anymore.

1

I just rediscovered Meetup because I was looking for a to go shooting with. There are a bunch of categories, at least in my area. Some have gone virtual due to Covid. But many were reasonably priced depending on the activity. $40 or under. Hope that helps.

2

Do you play an instrument?
I was in a similar situation 10 years ago at your age.
Started playing the bass guitar and even when I'm alone I'm not lonely.

I don't play an instrument. I did rock a harmony someone gave me for two week before my mom threw it out. She didn't like noise.

@Shiosakai
That's my recommendation.
For one, with little time practicing an instrument is optimal since no time practicing is wasted time.
For two, the satisfaction at learning, becoming proficient, and then mastering an instrument is amazing.
For three, once this whole covid mess settles, playing an instrument means you can join jam session means you will make friends means you will get groupies means you will not be alone. 😉

1

Hello. Exact same situation here, even the age. You can message me anytime.

1

Set up a small shop and get into wood working metal working, blacksmithing, model/miniature building, table top RPG, 3D printing, repairing/restoring odd items like old electronics and household items, shop/work tools and equipment.
Take some classes in cooking, photography, art, writing.

Archery, black powder shooting, sword fighting, LARPing, history reenacting, and even joining Armored Combat League

Lots of great activities and hobbies to get into that has great opportunities to meet others.

I work 7 days a week and live in a 1 bedroom apartment. I wasn't kidding when I said I have little time and money.

what kind of work?

1

Hello.
... But you seem to know how to communicate with others here and probably on other platforms...

Naomi Level 8 Oct 4, 2020

Writing and face to face are completely different. Also, I have an uncanny ability to be ignored. I deleted all my social media because I was posting and it wasn't very social. I didn't break 15 followers on any platform other than Twitter were after over 7,000 tweets I had 103 and most of people following were bots and follow for follow people.

Well, Shiosakai, it's a virtual, fake world after all. You can post what most people like to hear and you'll have lots of followers, but then why would you want to do that? I guess social skills are something that you have to learn, and confidence is something you have to build... Meanwhile, wouldn't "be yourself" work for you?

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