slug.com slug.com
1 1

Opening Up

For a while now I've been sad. Most of it (but not all) stems from one thing. Someone I loved ghosted me. A girl I've known since 8th grade. I'll call her "Julie" I guess.

Julie is a couple years younger than me. I met her in 8th grade (she was in the 6th). We rode the bus together to school. She was friendly and we started talking to each other. We quickly became friends. She was the one who initiated it.

Flash forward through meeting Sarah (the girl I posted about before). I was preoccupied with helping her. For a while Julie and I just casually talked. By the time I was in 9th grade we were talking more and more going to and from school. Julie and I got closer. One day she told me she loved me as a friend. I wasn't expecting it but I cared about her so I told her I loved her back.

Our talks got more personal. We confided in each other. Julie told me she was raped when she was 11 years old. So of course that made me sad to hear it but I felt honored that she felt comfortable enough around me. After Sarah almost killed herself I grew to appreciate the people in my life more. There came a point when I loved Sarah and Julie so much.

Julie revealed she has depression. Which I never would've guessed because she was always so upbeat. Like Sarah, she too was suicidal. I distinctly remember two times I almost lost her. One was over a summer break. One was over the weekend a couple years later which she accidentally let slip out and it shattered my fucking heart. I just hugged her and told her I wouldn't know what to do if she died on me.

I wanted to do anything I could but she didn't want my help. I respected that and still expressed concern. Sarah heard all about it from me. They were my two closest friends in High School. I told them I loved them often. They were affectionate and I appreciated just having them in my life. As a younger kid I didn't have many friends. By the time I was a senior I made many good friends but none as close as the two of them.

For a brief period I even fell in love with Julie junior year. She didn't feel the same which I was fine with. I didn't necessarily want her to be my girlfriend anyway and jeopardize our close friendship. We bounced back from that and became closer than ever. She became not unlike a sister. One time Julie introduced me to some of her friends as her brother.

I took Julie to my senior prom. I decided just to take a friend. It was more fun that way. Sarah had a boyfriend at the time and we also hung out at prom. I had a moment frozen in time. Slow dancing with Julie. I still remember looking into her eyes and thinking about everything we've been through over the past 4 years. I started crying. It seemed random to Julie. I didn't tell her why I suddenly broke into tears but she comforted me.

We continued to slow dance to a different song. It felt comfortable despite being hot in the suit. I was at peace. Just two platonic friends embracing each other. Then something happened I never expected. I was voted prom king. It didn't sink in until then that I was popular. A lonely kid who didn't feel so lonely anymore.

Another girl was prom queen and we had our customary king & queen dance. I told her how surprised I was and that I brought one of my best friends.

After I graduated I kept close contact with Julie. Even waking up early on her birthday and surprising her with a big hug at the bus stop. Then these last couple years happened. The last time I saw her in person was at her open house when she graduated high school. Then I don't know wtf happened but I tried contacting her one day and she just didn't reply. I've tried two more times since and still nothing.

My mind went to a dark place. I thought maybe she had taken her own life. Or maybe an accident happened. I had no reason to believe she'd be mad at me or anything like that. So while depressing, it seemed logical. She's very much alive though. Which I'm glad I know for sure. That brings us to quarantine.

Sad and wondering if I'd ever talk to her again. I don't know what the hell happened. I wish I had closure. I guess I have no other option but to try and move on. Easier said than done.

I lost someone very close to me and it hurts. Knowing what you have, then losing it. I can't describe the feeling. Especially after almost losing Julie twice to suicide. That I know of. Maybe someday I'll have some answers. Sarah has been supportive through this whole thing. At least I still have her. She's my best friend for a good reason.

TylerZIM 5 Aug 1
Share
You must be a member of this group before commenting. Join Group

Be part of the movement!

Welcome to the community for those who value free speech, evidence and civil discourse.

Create your free account

1 comment

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

I know how hard it can be to get so close to someone and lose them like that, with no warning and no closure... I’ve had similar experiences with a few friends after graduating high school, and even in college. I hate to say it, but the best thing I’ve been able to do is try to let go. Remember the good times, remember the love, and just try to process the things that have happened, so you can work toward acceptance.

It’s been hard for me to find that acceptance too. I had to use excuses, like “oh, they did this to me... a real friend wouldn’t have done that, so I’m better off without them.”, but that absolutely doesn’t change the fact that it’s hard to lose someone you love, no matter what way u love them, it’s hard. And I have to admit, I’ve only been really successful in letting go in times where the person has done something to make it not worth being close to them anymore. And I know this girl hasn’t done that for you. It’s going to be hard either way, but just remember you had a great friendship, you did all that you could for her, and hopefully she’ll come back one day. If you love something, set it free. That really is the best way to find out how much they care about you too. Hopefully, Julie is just finding herself right now, and she’ll come back one day when she’s ready. Try to focus on yourself now. That’s the best thing you can do for you and everyone you love, as well as everyone in your life who loves you.